It’s really scary and funny that a relationship that you started with your first love while you were only a yippy-happy teen can still plaque you hard and scar you so deeply after Eight Full Years.
When I first read that Justin Bieber got engaged to Hailey Baldwin, I was quite baffled and confused. Justin and Selena had just gotten back together again in their habitual cycle of breaking up and getting back together. While I hopeful but wasn’t confident that their once again renewed love story was going to last, I certainly didn’t expect Justin to get engaged to a former flame just two months after he and Selena, his first great love called things off. Again.
I couldn’t help but wonder what propelled Justin to take such serious action in a very short period of time. Neither could I help but wonder what the hell went through Selena’s mind as all that shocking stuff went down.
Selena didn’t give any commentary on how she felt during that period but her run-ins with mental health facilities gave us hints that she definitely wasn’t only recuperating from her kidney surgery but from also dazedly losing someone she had invested so much of herself in for the longest time, just like that.
Alas, a year after Justin’s wedding to Hailey, Selena finally dropped the bombshells that were in her heart with new heart-wrenching single: Lose You to Love Me.
Now, I’ve never been in a serious relationship, let alone a toxic one. So I don’t know (and never want to know) what it feels like to be shattered on the inside and be immensely hurt by your first love to a self-deprecating point. But every time I hear the deep-cutting and heart-ripping sadness with which Selena belted out her emotions on Lose you to Love Me, my chest gets really tight and weighed down with so much sympathy and poignance that I myself cannot even comprehend.
In just her voice and tone, even without those nakedly raw, gutting lyrics; the depth of Selena’s hurt, pain and agony borne from her loved one’s betrayal and abandonment of her when she needed his selfless love and undying commitment the most, tugs at my heart too deeply.
I can confidently say I have never been more proud and respectful of a female artist’s ballad. Selena was fearlessly vulnerable, wholly soul-baring, deep peeling, painfully self-reflective, self-accepting and ultimately spirit-healing.
I’m just in love and honestly, in awe of how she was able to come out clean and boldly confront her varying dark emotions about Justin Bieber’s abrupt marriage.
Selena really went all out on how selfish and careless Justin had been, how hurt-deserving and low he had made her feel, how much she had allowed her self-worth to be crushed and how blind she had chosen to be. Selena went all out.
I honestly think when Justin braced himself to listen to this song (secretly in his bathroom toilet like one hilarious YouTube commenter suggested); he must have been strongly taken aback by how raw and cold Selena was with her emotions.
Now down to what really moved me to write this piece:
Is Justin Bieber or Selena Gomez to be blamed for their toxic relationship? My answer, which I have fairly weighed and taken time to contemplate would be:
NO ONE IS TO BE BLAMED.
Not Justin, in as much as a lot would disagree and certainly not Selena.
Selena and Justin just unfortunately happened to fall in love at a very young and tricky time. Selena managed to keep her head low and straight.
But the same obviously could not be said for Justin. He was tainted in mind, spirit and body by the pressure and darkness that come with the sudden fame that engulfs a 16-year old boy.
Justin who grew overnight, to become every teenaged girl’s heartrob couldn’t keep his head low and straight. He became hostile, aloof, lost and dark. And what did that inevitably do? It ruined his candylicious teen romance and turned him into someone Selena did not fall in love with.
While this does not automatically cure all the deep pain he’s caused Selena, Justin many a times has acknowledged his former bad ways and expressed his heart-felt remorse and apology for his shameful behaviour and all the women that he hurt recklessly.
So are we seriously going to keep chastising him for those terrible times of his? Who amongst us has not messed up once in our lives and done things that we regret badly and strive everyday to get past?
Check out this Instagram post he made; pleading with people to read, saying he wrote from his heart:
Nevertheless, people are insulting him and Hailey; saying that their marriage would never last and that Justin used Hailey to get over Selena. These comments are just NOT NICE. No matter what I think, I would never express them on social media to purposely cause someone and his new wife heartache and distress (Guys can we sincerely learn to be nice on social media? HURTFUL & INSENSITIVE COMMENTS LITERALLY KILL).
What if Justin sincerely just loves this Hailey girl like he said and feels a new sense of security with her? What if he decided that he just couldn’t continue his unstable, overly-publicized, long-haul relationship with someone that’s been deeply hurt by his regretful past? What if he just wanted to start life on a clean slate? What if he truly needed to let Selena go to be mentally and spiritually cleansed?
Are we really going to hate on him for the rest of his life for these?
Let’s not be quick to judge people. Let’s not be quick to assume that we know them.
Yes, Selena was hurt repeatedly. Her self-worth was messed with several times because she fell deeply for someone who got out of hand at some point.
But, must these two forever be defined by a young love that just couldn’t work out for them during an unhealthy period? Must they forever be haunted by a past love that couldn’t promise stability?
I absolutely revere and love every of Selena’s bitter words against Justin in Lose you to Love Me and how she confessed that she had to hate him to love herself. I loved every bit of them as guttingly sad as they were. The great thing though is that Selena’s hate would not last. This confession of her innermost feelings was simply a dire, long overdue necessity to detox and heal to truly move on.
As she wrapped up her final byes to Justin with:
“…And now the chapter is closed and done and now it’s goodbye, it’s goodbye for us…”
I’m afraid that Selena rather sounded and looked sentimental. I wanted her to end hard and charismatic with a bang like “Yo! Finally outta your life, finally learning to love myself for the frickin’ queen that I am!”
But I believe it was all part of her being real. Letting go is never easy; especially for someone that you’ve invested so much of yourself and deepest emotions in.
I just hope that Selena would cease to let herself be known only as the lucky girl that got to be loved and dated by a wildly loved teen heartrob.
I want her to feel newly independent, confident, capable, talented and beautiful like she mesmerizingly really is. (And thankfully! I finally got that cool vibe in her second single – Look at Her Now).
Like she knows, I too, have no doubt that she will meet a man that would truly value her, cherish her and make her feel so happy and rare.
And as for Justin, I hope he remains steadfast in being good and responsible. I hope he continues to keep his head low and straight. I hope he now sincerely treats women with respect and care, especially the ones he loves and ensures he doesn’t hurt or scar anyone of them badly, ever again.
Guys, whenever we find ourselves in a toxic relationship no matter how addicted or in love we think we are, let’s be strong and respectful enough of our self worth to call it quits forever.
Let’s reduce the mental and emotional wreckage that are sure to follow. I swear, a healthy state of mind, sweet self-love and glowing skin will thank us immensely for it later.
Let’s cease to ignore red-flags and watch front-row as our self-worth go down the drain.
All in all, here’s to this iconic teen couple – Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez, it was both beautiful and ugly while it lasted. I will miss you both. Do not regret the blissful times you two shared together but most importantly, do not ever ever ever get back together.
Like Ever.
And JELENATORS:
LET’S MOVE ON!
P.S – Selena has her first Billboard Hot 100 number 1 hit with Love you to Love Me. Never felt so proud and happy. Feels good to have your pain heard. Go on to do greater things. Go on to love yourself harder! Muaah!😘